Amethyst

Maybe its the way she hold me, but her embrace has left stains on my heart;
Her words hymm beauty into my ears, then my mind folds with thoughts of nothing but her.
Damn, I'm fucced...
But fucced so good my knees quiver and leaves me subdue to her will, her power;
And it is one look into my eyes that send shots of an aesthetic life together.
Who can complete me more than my amethyst;
Poetry so divine our pens make love leaking juices that forms words that creates pieces out of this world.
And she... She is outta my world;
Which is why I'm so high when I'm around her,
Brain raped and spiritually molested, it brings me back to the days I were 5;
But I enjoy it this time.
So I keep going back for more, yearning for her love;
Until the day my soul is at ease, and she is completely with me

know me

Confused and left in a stand still;
Held on a pedestal, I can’t get over myself/
Cocky attitude expressed with belligerent words;
I greet the world with a fuck you, and leave with a have a nice day/
Hatred fueled by an inadequate past, but how more clearly can I get;
Look into my eyes and see the lashings I hide with my baggy pants
and this hat on my head/
Markings self made with stories deeply embedded within them;
Crimson that leaks secrets kept for ages;
See my scars then know me/
Read in between my lines and comprehend more than what the story may say;
Do I mean to tell, and tell what I mean?
Fuck it; I'm so bottled up my minds always racing;
With the pen on the paper, I can’t stop the words from flowing;
The ink is constantly escaping;
Sub conscious thoughts because I’m too afraid to speak ‘em;
My life’s always speeding, shyt I need a minute/
To jus breathe….

So do you feel me yet?
Or do I still come off as the distorted adolescent fighting for respect/
To stuck in the past to be grown, I’m not ready to grow up;
But fucked at the age of 5 I’ve developed this adult state of mind;
Where these images are constantly being thrown up/
Confused and left in a stand still;
Because these memories wont erase over time;
I’m caught in a whirlwind/
With my arms strapped down and his hands around my throat;
Life sure fucks well, but faith eats pussy better/
So I nut on these haters, with the desire that they choke on my shit
In hopes that in between the stance of life and death;
They realize that this person inside of me is only just scared/
A sheep in wolves clothing, don’t provoke me;
Defensive and high off of D.E.A.T.H;
Depressed from birth, misery was my mother’s maiden name, and even that bitch didn’t want me/
So who is the foundation of this illusion you see;
The effigy of a soul too blackened and too damned, to give a fuck if you care/

lyfe cant be this hard

lyfe cant be this hard, cuz i have no desire 2 fucc it;
but my lyfes been erect since the day, i was forced 2 luv it/
force 2 luv him that is, as i seen his true colors;
lyfe fukked me in the form of my molester,
the boy that lied when he said he luved me;
and even my own father/
from the moment i hopped on, i couldnt get off;
cuz i had 2 ride him n ride him,
untill he was 2 tired 2 keep his hold on me/
everytime i did it, i couldnt look at his face;
hoping 2 wash away these nightmares w/ endless liquor n haze/
i was suppose 2 trust him, as he crept up in my sleep;
but as he crept up in me, i couldnt move nor scream/
evrytime i did it, i couldnt look at his face;
hoping 2 wash away his nightmares w/ endless liquor n haze/

lyfe shouldnt be this hard, cuz i have no desire 2 fucc him;
cuz everytime he went deeper in me, it hurts my insides;
2 inches, 3 inches of traumas that made me cry/
though i fail 2 realize, you sumtimes can see it in my eyes;
holding it all in, praying for the day that i no longer live/
and the memory of my presence will hurt lyfe- as much as he hurt me;
that the guilt will eat up his insides,
leaving holes as wide n hallow;
as that shallow motherfucca, whos despair in, i would just wallow/
lyfe cant be this hard, cuz i have no desire 2 fucc it;
but my lyfes been erect since the day i was force 2 luv him/

been lost me

yur not realizin yur losin me; im disappearin, im strayin 2wards saftey
bc i rlly feel dat yur not safe 4 me
4 da only thing i cud possible do....is let go EMOtionally (E.J.)
no longer lost in yur temptation, its not yur werds dat bind thee;
da lost love of a juliet tainted, it was at her own poisen dat she died
i cud neva be thy romeo, n 4 yu my heart has died 1 last tyme
how does it feel 2 lose yu?...my love yu neva truly had me/
i am not yur jaded prize n i need no more 2 call my own
keep ya precious jewels, bc my diamonds are all fulled up/
beauty was yur curse, so i walk da world blindfolded
4get wat yu saw in dese shy eyes bc dey died at da death of ya pain
memories lose dere meanin ova tyme
so i sit n watch da clocc as da days go by
n each part of my heart where yu reside
....crumbles n fall 2 da ground/
i kissed da ground dat yu walked on, so may yu fall thru da craccs;
i embedded yur name into my arm, so may my blood run dry;
i purified my heart w/ yur love, so may i die of a stroke,
n da very lips dat sed i love yu, may it betray me n hav me choke/
i am no longer yur martyr, so may my worships be ya curse
4get evry poem, 4get evry letter, 4get evry love makin so intense
bc even at da moments where i had yu in da palm of my hands,
we still cudve neva been;
yu were my world of bein n i was jus yur playful sin;
so hey, my queen fine... i giv in..
i kiss ya ass n giv it all 2 yu...yu got wat yu wanted, im gone...yu win : )