know me

Confused and left in a stand still;
Held on a pedestal, I can’t get over myself/
Cocky attitude expressed with belligerent words;
I greet the world with a fuck you, and leave with a have a nice day/
Hatred fueled by an inadequate past, but how more clearly can I get;
Look into my eyes and see the lashings I hide with my baggy pants
and this hat on my head/
Markings self made with stories deeply embedded within them;
Crimson that leaks secrets kept for ages;
See my scars then know me/
Read in between my lines and comprehend more than what the story may say;
Do I mean to tell, and tell what I mean?
Fuck it; I'm so bottled up my minds always racing;
With the pen on the paper, I can’t stop the words from flowing;
The ink is constantly escaping;
Sub conscious thoughts because I’m too afraid to speak ‘em;
My life’s always speeding, shyt I need a minute/
To jus breathe….

So do you feel me yet?
Or do I still come off as the distorted adolescent fighting for respect/
To stuck in the past to be grown, I’m not ready to grow up;
But fucked at the age of 5 I’ve developed this adult state of mind;
Where these images are constantly being thrown up/
Confused and left in a stand still;
Because these memories wont erase over time;
I’m caught in a whirlwind/
With my arms strapped down and his hands around my throat;
Life sure fucks well, but faith eats pussy better/
So I nut on these haters, with the desire that they choke on my shit
In hopes that in between the stance of life and death;
They realize that this person inside of me is only just scared/
A sheep in wolves clothing, don’t provoke me;
Defensive and high off of D.E.A.T.H;
Depressed from birth, misery was my mother’s maiden name, and even that bitch didn’t want me/
So who is the foundation of this illusion you see;
The effigy of a soul too blackened and too damned, to give a fuck if you care/

lyfe cant be this hard

lyfe cant be this hard, cuz i have no desire 2 fucc it;
but my lyfes been erect since the day, i was forced 2 luv it/
force 2 luv him that is, as i seen his true colors;
lyfe fukked me in the form of my molester,
the boy that lied when he said he luved me;
and even my own father/
from the moment i hopped on, i couldnt get off;
cuz i had 2 ride him n ride him,
untill he was 2 tired 2 keep his hold on me/
everytime i did it, i couldnt look at his face;
hoping 2 wash away these nightmares w/ endless liquor n haze/
i was suppose 2 trust him, as he crept up in my sleep;
but as he crept up in me, i couldnt move nor scream/
evrytime i did it, i couldnt look at his face;
hoping 2 wash away his nightmares w/ endless liquor n haze/

lyfe shouldnt be this hard, cuz i have no desire 2 fucc him;
cuz everytime he went deeper in me, it hurts my insides;
2 inches, 3 inches of traumas that made me cry/
though i fail 2 realize, you sumtimes can see it in my eyes;
holding it all in, praying for the day that i no longer live/
and the memory of my presence will hurt lyfe- as much as he hurt me;
that the guilt will eat up his insides,
leaving holes as wide n hallow;
as that shallow motherfucca, whos despair in, i would just wallow/
lyfe cant be this hard, cuz i have no desire 2 fucc it;
but my lyfes been erect since the day i was force 2 luv him/

been lost me

yur not realizin yur losin me; im disappearin, im strayin 2wards saftey
bc i rlly feel dat yur not safe 4 me
4 da only thing i cud possible do....is let go EMOtionally (E.J.)
no longer lost in yur temptation, its not yur werds dat bind thee;
da lost love of a juliet tainted, it was at her own poisen dat she died
i cud neva be thy romeo, n 4 yu my heart has died 1 last tyme
how does it feel 2 lose yu?...my love yu neva truly had me/
i am not yur jaded prize n i need no more 2 call my own
keep ya precious jewels, bc my diamonds are all fulled up/
beauty was yur curse, so i walk da world blindfolded
4get wat yu saw in dese shy eyes bc dey died at da death of ya pain
memories lose dere meanin ova tyme
so i sit n watch da clocc as da days go by
n each part of my heart where yu reside
....crumbles n fall 2 da ground/
i kissed da ground dat yu walked on, so may yu fall thru da craccs;
i embedded yur name into my arm, so may my blood run dry;
i purified my heart w/ yur love, so may i die of a stroke,
n da very lips dat sed i love yu, may it betray me n hav me choke/
i am no longer yur martyr, so may my worships be ya curse
4get evry poem, 4get evry letter, 4get evry love makin so intense
bc even at da moments where i had yu in da palm of my hands,
we still cudve neva been;
yu were my world of bein n i was jus yur playful sin;
so hey, my queen fine... i giv in..
i kiss ya ass n giv it all 2 yu...yu got wat yu wanted, im gone...yu win : )