what ive realized

So i've gone through a lot of changes lately, mentally, and emotionally. I've also undergone some serious self re- evaluating, of myself and of my friends. You know... itz always the ones that say they'd always be there, that sooner more than later disappoint you. But in this process, i've discovered my heart, and whether or not what i'm feeling is true, i'll eventually know. See there's this girl, a close friend of mine, a sister to me, and she has captured my heart. It took some time but she's finally wearing me down, its the way she cares, the way she speaks, the thoughts in her head, both said and un said. She is like something i've never seen before, beauty in every aspect... I Love Her.

Monster

I am a monster, like the man who failed to raise me;
trauma has implemented more into my soul than i am ready to confront
Childhood dreams, faded bc reality turned into nightmares;
i sweat when I'm asleep, bc I'm sweeped over by these things,
images that plague me... yea, I am afraid
It is not demons nor killers, but I am my own greatest enemy;
held by the neck of my own hands, squeeze the way he's thrust, soak up what he failed to bust;
Grow into the seed from daddy's nut, yea sure daddy was nuts,
and so faith has punished me to become
Did he mean to hit her, yes....no? but did i mean?
Maybe it was the blunt softly pressed to my lips that took my memory away;
Have I forgotten to love her, did I love her in the first place?
Maybe the white lines created new lines;
and in between love was tainted, vision blurry from my high